– by Daniel Kottmair in Allgemeine Morgenpost Rundschau
, translated from German by Tom Winter –
|Volker Kauder, proposed Minister of Truth
[The satire is in the implications… — tr.]
AN END AT LAST FOR FAKE NEWS: TRUTH MINISTRY CLEANS UP
As announced by the SPD party chair, Thomas Oppermann, the Federal Government will adopt a law against “fake news” in January in order to prevent Russia’s massive influence on the Bundestag election in 2017, as expressed by the FAZ (Fakenews Allgemeine Zeitung) [F is for Frankfurt, FAZ is like NYT -tr.]
Explication is forthcoming.
Federal Ministry Of Truth
Since a clear definition of what is to be considered as truth is indispensable, in any evaluation of TRUTH, the federal government has decided to establish a Ministry of Truth. This Ministry will publish a daily report, which is to be regarded as official truth, and the report is to serve as guideline for all journalists, blogs, plus Twitter and Facebook users.
Those who write negligently about things that are not in the report of the Ministry of Truth or venture to disagree with it, will be subject to 1-5 years imprisonment.
According to data provided by Winston Smith, interim spokesman of the Ministry of Truth, Union Party chief Volker Kauder is to be first Minister of Truth, Anetta Kahane is to assist him with her Amadeu-Antonio Foundation as Secretary of State, being, as stasi spy, well-qualified to act as Germany’s leading indictment expert with Facebook censorship.
License to Fake
Answering press representatives from Spiegel, SZ, FAZ, Welt, PICT, ARD, ZDF and other large media organizations worrying whether this new legislation would lead to the arrest of their last remaining journalists if they put out future fake news like the Incubator Lie, the Gulf-of-Tonkin lie, the Horseshoe plan Lie, the WMD Lie, or the Sarin Gas Lie, Smith assured that the press representatives of the media would have nothing to fear as the federal government would introduce a bonus point system for reports in compliance with the Ministry of Truth, so they would already have a gigantic point account at the start that would allow them to print “Grimm’s fairy tale as a three-week feature series without fear of legal consequences.” Moreover, according to Smith, “Copy-pastes of DPA, AP, terrorist propaganda and NATO and Reuters reports are not journalism anyway, so would not qualify as actionable media.”
New social network in on the way
The Ministry of Truth announced, as the first measure, the establishment of its own social network. One would no longer depend on American companies like Emmanuel Goldstein’s Facebook, because in the USA, Donald Trump would install fascism in January.
The new network does not even allow the publ
ication of reports that are not compatible with the Truth Ministry in order to give uncertain users legal certainty and avoid any chance of being inadvertently subject to penalty. It will carry the name “Deutschland ++” to clarify that it is even better than Google’s successful social network Google Plus. Instead of a “like,” in new our social network “Deutschland ++,” it would be a DoublePlusGood.